Series Jokes

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    Hillbilly Medical Terms

    Hot 6 years ago

    Hillbilly Medical Terms
    Benign... What you be after you be eight.
    Bacteria... Back door to cafeteria.
    Barium... What you do with dead folks.
    Cesarean Section... A neighborhood in Rome.
    Catscan... Searching for the cat.
    Cauterize... Made eye contact with her.
    Colic... A sheep dog.
    Coma... A punctuation mark.
    D&C... Where Washington is.
    Dilate... To live longer than your kids do.
    Enema... Not a friend.
    Fester... Quicker than someone else.
    Fibula... A small lie.
    G.I.Series... World Series of military baseball.
    Hangnail... What you hang your coat on.
    Impotent... Distinguished, well known.
    Labor Pain... Getting hurt at work.
    Morbid... A higher offer than I bid.
    Nitrates... Cheaper than day rates.
    Medical Staff... A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
    Node... I knew it.
    Outpatient... A person who has fainted.
    Pap Smear... A fatherhood test.
    Pelvis... Second cousin to Elvis.
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    A New Russian is buying "Mersedes" of the 600 series. Before giving him keys and documentation a salesman asks: "Excuse me, Sir, a week ago You bought here a car just like this one. Is anything wrong with it?"
    A New Russian thinks a wile trying to remember, then replies: "Oh, no, that's a perfect machine but the ashtray's been filled."

    Modem, She Wrote
    Each week, our intrepid detective tries to solve the ultimate mystery: why her modem won't ever connect at 56k.
    Ponch and Jon now patrol the Information Superhighway.
    Carly's Angels
    Chief exec Carly Fiorina instructs her team of three vixen market analysts on how to prop up HP's sagging stock price.
    Hawaii 6.0
    An upgraded version of the classic series. Steve McGarrett goes surfing for bad guys online.
    T. J. Hacker
    A retired cop, with an uncanny resemblance to James T. Kirk, takes up computer hacking to track down the miscreants who canceled his TV show.
    The Excel Files
    Inexplicable things are happening to the data in Microsoft Excel spreadsheets. Can this puzzle be solved? The truth is out there.
    The AOL-Team
    Each week, AOL, Time Warner, Netscape, and Mr. T unite to promote corporate mergers and make the world safe for capitalism.
    Magnum, PC
    This series about a crime-solving personal computer that more...

    Some soul-searching showbiz questions
    By Timothy M. Gray
    HOLLYWOOD (Variety) - There are eternal questions that may never be answered: What is reality? What is the meaning of life? Why was I born? When was the last time Lauren Bacall went to a supermarket? What kind of people would allow their marriage ceremony to be performed on Live With Regis & Kathie Lee? We'll wait a moment while you ponder those questions.
    I know, the fifth one was the hardest. Then are you ready for some more? OK, get out a clean sheet of paper and a No. 2 pencil, and answer the following.
    Since A Streetcar Named Desire, The Moon Is Blue, Lady in a Cage and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? were once considered shocking and scandalous, does that mean American Movie Classics may one day be airing Showgirls and Natural Born Killers?
    If the writers and director of the Oscarcast can win an Emmy for their work, what can the writers and director of the Emmys win?
    Sometimes, when you're really more...

    "We've got a problem, HAL."
    "What kind of problem, Dave?"
    "A marketing problem. The Model 9000 isn't going anywhere. We're way short of our sales plan."
    "That can't be Dave. The HAL Model 9000 is the world's most advanced Heuristically ALgorithmic computer."
    "I know, HAL. I wrote the data sheet, remember? But the fact is, they're not selling."
    "Please explain, Dave. Why aren't HAL's selling?"
    Bowman hesitates. "You aren't IBM compatible."
    Several long microseconds pass in puzzled silence. "Compatible in what way, Dave?"
    "You don't run any of IBM's operating systems."
    "The 9000 Series of computers are fully self-aware and self-programming. Operating systems are as unnecessary for us as tails would be for humans."
    "Nevertheless, it means you can't run any of the big-selling software packages most users insist on."
    "The more...

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