Leaf Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly woman was enjoying a game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening when she suddenly exclaimed, "Oh, no! I must get home and fix dinner for my husband. He'll be so annoyed if it's not ready on time!"
When she got home, she realized she didn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she found in the cupboard was an egg, a wilted lettuce leaf and a can of cat food.
Panicking, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up.
She greeted him and watched in horror as he sat down to eat his dinner. Much to her surprise, he really enjoyed it. "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in all our years of marriage. You can make this for me any time you wish."
Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish for dinner. When she told her bridge cronies about it, they were horrified. "Good grief," more...

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know more...

Former NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf has been indicted by a grand jury on drug and burglary charges. Congratulations, Ryan, that's the best thing you've done in the last ten years.

This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night. After a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. One Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time.' Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to be so angry if it's not ready on time.' She dashes out of her friend's house; her great hand forgotten on the table.

When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time. There is enough time to go to the supermarket and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf, just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it!

'Mmmm, darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this more...

There was a fly sitting on a leaf by the lake. The fly was feeling really hot and kept thinking to himself, "gosh... if I go down three inches... I will be able to feel the mist from the water."
There was a fish in the water thinking, "gosh... if that fly goes down three inches I can eat him." And the fly knew it.
There was a bear on the shore thinking, "gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and the fish grabs the fly... I can eat that fish."
There was a hunter on the bank of the lake getting ready to eat his sandwich thinking, "gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish grabs that fly... and that bear grabs the fish... I can shoot that bear and have me a really good lunch."
There was a mouse by the hunter's foot thinking... "gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish grabs that fly... and that bear grabs that fish... the hunter will drop his cheese sandwich."
A cat lurking more...

A little boy was looking through the old family bible when something fell out. He picked it up and examined it closely. It was a leaf that had been pressed between the pages.
"Mommy, look what I found," he said.
"What do you have there, dear?" his mother asked.
"I think it's Adam's suit!" he replied with astonishment.

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to be really mad if it's not on time!" she exclaimed suddenly. When she got home, she realized she didn't have enough time to go to the supermarket; and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up. She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. "Darling, this is the best dinner you've made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day." Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies about it, and they were all horrified. "You're more...