Egg Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Egg

    Hot 1 year ago

    What did the egg say to the boiling water?
    It may take me a while to get hard, I got layed an hour ago.

    Ladies vs. Real Women

    Hot 2 years ago

    Ladies - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

    Real Women - If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

    Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

    Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

    Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

    Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

    Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the more...

    Sandwiches

    Hot 2 years ago

    A English man, a french man and a newfie are all constructions workers.
    One day at lunch time English man opens his lunch box and finds a peanut
    butter sandwich and say "if my wife makes me one more peanut butter
    sandwich, I'm gonna jump off this building and kill myself. The french
    man opens up his lunch box and finds a tuna sandwich and says "if my wife
    makes me one more tuna sandwich, I'm gonna jump off this building and kill
    myself". Then the Newfie opens up his lunch box and finds and egg salad
    sandwich and says"if my wife makes me one more egg salad sanwich, I'm gonna
    jump off this building and kill myself.
    Sure enough, the next day at lunch, they all get the same sandwiches and
    plunge to their deaths.
    A few days later, at the funerals, the english mans wife says "only if
    he told me he didn't like peanut butter sandwiches" The french mans wife
    says"only if he told me he didn't more...

    Martha's Way:
    Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
    The Real Woman's Way:
    Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.
    Martha's Way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
    Real Woman's Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
    Martha's Way: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
    The Real Woman's Way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
    Martha's Way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."
    The Real Woman's Way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too more...

    Helpful Hints:

    Hot 2 years ago

    ** Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

    ** Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

    ** To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

    ** Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan and the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers.

    ** To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.

    ** To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove-top.

    ** Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces and there won't be any stains.

    ** When a cake recipe calls for flouring more...

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