Lane Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Female drivers

    Hot 5 years ago

    I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why.
    I drive 38 miles each way, every day, to work. That's 76 miles, of these, 16 each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. So, if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper-to-bumper. I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically half of more...

    Driving a BMW

    Hot 3 years ago

    A day from the diary of a BMW driver...

    "The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.

    First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!

    The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.

    Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.

    Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!

    Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him more...

    Authentic Claims from a Car Insurance agency...
    "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."
    "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
    "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
    "I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."
    "Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
    "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
    "A car drove away at speed catching our client who went up in the air and his head went through the windscreen and then rolled off at the traffic lights a good few feet away. The car then sped off and miraculously our client remained conscious and more...

    HORSE RACE

    Hot 5 years ago

    HORSE RACE Line up:
    In lane 1. Passionate Lady
    In lane 2. Bare Belly
    In lane 3. Silk Panties
    In lane 4. Conscience
    In lane 5. Jockey Shorts
    In lane 6. Clean Sheets
    In lane 7. Thighs
    In lane 8. Big Dick
    In lane 9. Heavy Bosom
    In lane 10. Merry Cherry
    AND THEY'RE OFF!!!
    Conscience is left behind at the gate. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Dick is knocking on the door.
    AT THE HALFWAY MARK:
    It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Dick is moving in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.
    AT THE STRETCH:
    Merry Cherry pops under the strain. Bare Belly is making a final push. Big Dick is in and Passionate Lady is coming.
    AT THE FINISH:
    It's Big Dick giving everything he's got and Passionate more...

    A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today." The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?" "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."

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