A happily married man, Irving Topper, found himself driving through a badly paved country road in upstate Rhinebeck, New York. A sudden flat tire sent the car wobbling to a standstill.
The lights in a nearby health manor invited Topper to rap on the door. An attractive lady opened the door and asked what she could do for him. He told her his problem and wondered if he could seek the shelter of her house until dawn, whe he would repair the flat. The lady agreed and invited him into her parlor.
One word led to another; one drink let to another; one touch led to another. Irving Topper was soon divested of his clothes and snuggling in the lady's bed with an equally naked lady.
In the morning Topper thanked her for her hospitality, told her his name was Herman Thompson, changed his tire, and drove off.
About six months later, Topper received a call from his friend Herman Thompson.
"Hey," said Thompson, "did you ever give my name to a lady in Rhinebeck, more...
As was the custom in the small town, the new student at the Yeshiva was invited to the richest merchant's home for Friday night dinner. The new student was tall and handsome, the merchant had a pretty daughter, so as the Friday nights passed by, the glances between the young people got bolderand more passionate. When their love could no longer be ignored, the pappa invited the young student to his study for an after dinner liquor and conversation.
The pappa asked "What are your intentions towards my daugter?"
The student replied, "Sir, I love your daughter and wish to marry her!"
The pappa asked " How do you intend to keep her in the style to which she is accustomed?"
The student replied "Sir, I will study very hard and the good Lord will provide"
The pappa then asked again, " But what will you do when the children arrive?"
The student replied " Sir, I will study even harder and the good Lord will surely more...
NASA had sent many shuttles to orbit the earth and attempted to include passengers of all races, colour and creed. One day, they realised they hadn't invited anyone from the clergy so they invited a priest and a rabbi to orbit the earth. Upon their return, they were asked to go straight to the Media room to give the world their impressions of the experience.
The priest came into the room with a smile on his face. His statement was full of joy. He said, "It was totally amazing. I saw the sun rise and set. I saw the beautiful oceans. I'm truly in awe." But the rabbi came into the room completely dishevelled. His beard was tangled, his kippot was askew and his tallis was creased. The reporters asked him whether he enjoyed the experience. He threw his hands in the air and said, "Enjoy? Oy vay, you must be joking. How could I find time to enjoy? Every few minutes the sun was rising and setting! So it was on with the tefillin, off with the tefillin, mincha, maariv, more...
A couple of weeks before being sworn in, George W. Bush was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal. That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said," when I am President, I'll get to have a gold urinal!"
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the president had a gold urinal.
That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who pissed in your saxophone."
Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner, God told them, "I invited you to dinner because I needed three important people to send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the Earth!"
Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them, "I have two really bad announcements to make. First, God really does exist, and second, tomorrow He will destroy the Earth."
Clinton called an emergency session of Congress and told them, " I have good news and bad news. The good news is that God does exist, and the bad news is that he will destroy the Earth tomorrow."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft headquarters and told his people, "I have two fantastic announcements! First, I am one of the three most important people on Earth, and second, the Year 2000 problem has been solved!"