Insane Jokes / Recent Jokes
The head doctors in an insane asylum had a meeting and decided that one of their patients was potentially well. So they decide to test him and take him to the movies. When they get to the movie theater, there are signs of wet paint pointing to the benches. The doctors just sit down, but the patient puts a newspaper down first and then sits down. The doctors get all excited cause they think maybe he's in touch with reality now. So they ask him, " Why did you put the newspaper down first?" He answers, "So I'd be higher and have a better view."
A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer drain.A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from
the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station.The motorist thanked him profusely and said, "I don't know why you are in that place."The patient said, "I'm in here for being crazy, not for being stupid."
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse.
Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"
HoW To KeEp A hEaLtHy LeVeL Of InSaNiTy AnD dRiVe OtHeR PeOpLe iNsAnE
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Dont use any punctuation in your emails
Ask people what sex they are. When they answer, say "are you sure"?
Stand in front of your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
User
(To the tune of Beck`s "Loser")
In the day of sysop nerds I was a flunkie
Jolt in my brains and body feeling chunky
With the plastic mouse balls spray paint the Commodore
System install with the hard drive on the floor
Kill the process and put it in /dev/null
Email flaming with the user hitting D-control
Shell`s called Reno and it`s written in C
Got a couple of xterms, keys set to repeat
Root came sayin` I`m insane to complain
About an online wedding and a stain on my screen
Don`t believe everything that you make(1)
You get a cracker from Europe and a login that`s fake
So write your code in Perl in the dark
Saving all your hacks for working at a tech park
Yo - punch it
So - dumping core
I`m a user, baby, so why don`t you kill(1) me?
(Double dense floppy)
So - dumping core
I`m a user, baby, so why don`t you kill(1) me?
Forces more...