Insane Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An inmate at the insane asylum was being examined for possible release. The first question the examining doctor asked was: "What are you going to do when you leave this institution?"
    "I'm gonna get me a sling shot," said the patient, "and I'm gonna come back here and break every goddam window in the place!"
    After six more months of treatment, the patient was again brought before the examining doctor for possible dismissal, and the same question was put to him.
    "Well, I'm going to get a job," the patient replied.
    "Fine," said the doctor. "Then what?"
    "I'm going to rent an apartment."
    "Very good."
    "Then I'm going to meet a beautiful girl."
    "Excellent."
    "I'm going to take the beautiful girl up to my apartment and I'm going to pull up her skirt."
    "Normal, perfectly normal."
    "Then I'm gonna steal her garter, make more...

    The Cesium song 13

    Hot 1 year ago

    Cesium's Strange
    (Tune, People are strange - The Doors)
    Cesium's strange,
    when you're a stranger
    Consummate danger,
    ready to blow.
    Water is wicked,
    wet and unwanted,
    Folks are unfriendly,
    when you glow.
    Don't take it out in the rain.
    You're insane!
    You're insane!
    Don't you remember the pain?
    You're insane!
    You're insane!
    You're insane -
    Cesium's strange,
    pregnant with danger,
    Hand the next stranger
    a kilo or two.
    Pour on the water,
    lamb at the slaughter,
    Bathe in the light
    that is blue, sky-blue!
    Don't take it out in the rain.
    You're insane!
    You're insane!
    You'll always remember the pain.
    You're insane!
    You're insane!
    You're insane -
    - Songs of Cesium #13

    Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted,"I am Napoleon!"Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!"Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

    Cesium's Strange
    (Tune, People are strange - The Doors)

    Cesium's strange,
    when you're a stranger
    Consummate danger,
    ready to blow.
    Water is wicked,
    wet and unwanted,
    Folks are unfriendly,
    when you glow.

    Don't take it out in the rain.
    You're insane!
    You're insane!
    Don't you remember the pain?
    You're insane!
    You're insane!
    You're insane ---
    Cesium's strange,
    pregnant with danger,
    Hand the next stranger
    a kilo or two.
    Pour on the water,
    lamb at the slaughter,
    Bathe in the light
    that is blue, sky-blue!

    Don't take it out in the rain.
    You're insane!
    You're insane!
    You'll always remember the pain.
    You're insane!
    You're insane!
    You're insane ---

    --- Songs of Cesium #13

    HoW To KeEp A hEaLtHy LeVeL Of InSaNiTy AnD dRiVe OtHeR PeOpLe iNsAnE
    Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)
    Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
    Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
    Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
    Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
    Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
    Dont use any punctuation in your emails
    Ask people what sex they are. When they answer, say "are you sure"?
    Stand in front of your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

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