Hubby Jokes / Recent Jokes

This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench if from of a large pond. Across the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and say, "I could really go for an ice cream cone."Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one."Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down."Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?"Wife says, "Get me a Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles."Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember.Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns.The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost."The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted."The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries?! Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down."Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there?"To which the wife replies, "No, it's more...

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to
the
office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how
impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for
you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem
can there be greater than this one?"

A young newly wed couple just moved into their first apartment. The wife had a hurry call and ran into the bathroom and plopped down on the toilet.
You guessed it, the seat was up. She got hopelessly wedged in the bowl and screamed for help from new Hubby. He ran in and tried in vain to pull her out.
He said, "I'll have to call a plumber."
She said, "You can't let the plumber see me like this."
So, Hubby finds an old hat and puts it on her lap.
The plumber arrives and surveys the situation.
He turns to the husband and says, "I think I can get her out, but I think that other poor bastard drowned."

Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one? ”

On their wedding night the new couple are just about to do the deed when the wife tells her new husband that she has a confession." I lied when I told you I was a virgin. I have been with one other man" she tells her new hubby. The new husband asks if it was anyone he knows?. The wife answers. .. well maybe! Husband asks who it was. The wife answers - it was Tiger Woods. Since the only other person his new bride every slept with was the famous Tiger Woods, he's not at all upset and they get down to it and do the honeymoon "thing". When finished, the husband gets out of bed and reaches for the telephone." What are you doing?" asked his bride." I'm calling for room service. After all that work I'm hungry!"The wife says, "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Really! Just what would TIGER do?" says the husband. Well we would do it again! Ok says the husband and jumps into the bed. This same thing happens two more times, after which the guy more...

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"

The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."

The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby to be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in" and she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?

The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity more...

Betty and Bob have been back from their honeymoon for two weeks when Bob came home from work saying he'd invited four friends from the office home for dinner on Friday.

Betty is a bit apprehensive as she asks if she must cook a meal for them all. Bob explains that there will actually be eight coming, as each has a spouse or date. Since this is her first party, he consoles her by saying that all she has to do is get some Chinese food in and perhaps she can bake a cake.

This sounds like a good idea, and they sit down and decide what Chinese food to get. Friday morning wife calls the office in tears. She explains that the only cake recipe she has will only feed six. Hubby says, "why don't you just double the recipe?" She decides that is a good idea. At four, hubby gets another phone call-this time quite frantic. "I just can't do it," wifely weeps. "It's impossible." "Now, now, what's the matter?" "Well, their recipe calls more...