Hospital Jokes / Recent Jokes

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Rightnow, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name

THE DARWIN AWARDS are given every year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
Runners-up: [AP, Mammoth Lakes] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad, authorities said.
Matthew David Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated that the tower he hit was the one with its pad more...

Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an accident.They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case and they page the doctor.Doc comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones."Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks."Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?"The doctor sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine.""Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?""Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her."Mr. Jones begins to sob."And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia."Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly."Then, of course," the doctor continued, more...

After watching an extremely attractive maternity-ward patient earnestly thumb through a telephone directory for several minutes, a hospital orderly finally asked if he could be of some help.
"No thanks," said the young mother, "I'm just looking for a name for my baby."
"But the hospital supplies a special booklet that lists every first name and its meaning," said the orderly.
"That won't help," said the girl, "my baby already has a first name."

Our famous Udurawana was attending a conference in London. He was flying for the first time. Here are some incidents which took place during that trip.
GETTING ON
At Katunayake airport, the passengers were climbing the steps to board the plane. A foreigner missed his step & slipped. He shouted "Oh, I lost my balance!" and the moving got slowed down a bit. Udurawana was at the bottom of the steps anxiously waiting to get in to the plane for the first time and he shouted, "Doesn't matter you fool, I have enough coins in my pocket. I'll give you some later! "
EMBARKATION CARD
When it was closer to London, Passengers were given the embarkation card to fill. Udurawana started filling.
Full Name: Heen Banda Udurawana
Sex: Ticked the Female Box and wrote below: unlike these foreigners, we always have sex with females!
GETTING OFF
Getting off Finally, the plane arrives at Heathrow. Udurawana was excited and anxious to get off. So he more...

Moe and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
"Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
"Wait a minute," Moe replied. "Didn't you read that book I lent you, 'The Other Side of the Story', about the command to judge other people favorably? I'll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving's behavior."
"Yeah, like what?"
"Maybe he's sick and needs to go to the hospital."
"Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he's healthier than Arnold Schwartzenweis."
"Well, maybe his wife's having a baby."
"She had one last week."
"Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
"She's home."
"Well, maybe he's more...

Jack and Don were patients in a mental hospital. As they were walking past the hospital pool one day, Jack suddenly dove into the deep end. He quickly sank to the bottom of the pool and remained there.
Without hesitation, Don jumped into the pool to save him. He swam to the bottom of the pool and pulled Jack out.
Upon hearing of Don's heroic act, the medical director ordered that he be immediately discharged from the hospital as he felt Don was okay and no longer required hospitalization.
"We have good news and bads news for you, Don," the director said. "The good news is we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses. Since you were able to jump into the pool and save another patient, you must be mentally stable."
The director continued, "The bad news is the patient that you saved hung himself and died."
"Oh, he didn't hang himself," Don replied. "I hung him up to dry!"