Hammer Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Chuck Norris touch

    Hot 1 year ago

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

    In the courtroom...

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
    "Guilty", said the man in the dock.
    At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.
    The Judge continued "... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
    "Guilty", said the man in the dock.
    Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!
    At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"
    He more...

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

    Daddy's hammer

    Hot 6 years ago

    A little boy runs into the kitchen, crying.
    His mother asks, "Johnny, why are you crying?"
    Johnny cries, "Because daddy hit his thumb with
    the hammer!"
    His mother says, "You shouldn't cry because
    of that. You should *laugh*!"
    Johnny breaks out in tears anew and says,
    "But I *did*!"

    Death

    Hot 4 years ago

    3 men were on the way to Heaven, but God would only let the man with the worst death in. The first man says, "Well, I was on the way to my apartment because I suspected my wife was cheating on me. So when I got to my apartment on the 3rd story, my wife was in the shower, but there was a guy hanging from a window sill. I step on his fingers, but he didn't budge. So I took a hammer and smashed his fingers so he fell, but wasn't dead. So I took the refrigerator and threw it down on him. I got a heart attack because it was the first time I killed someone."
    The second man says, "I was climbing down the stairs of my apartment on the 4th story when I tripped, and I was hanging on a window sill. A guy comes, and steps on my fingers for no reason. I didn't want to fall, so I held on. But he took a hammer and smashed my fingers. Then I landed on bushes, so I was alive still. A refrigerator came out of nowhere and killed me."
    The third man says, "How would you more...

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