"Chuck Norris touch" joke

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

My girlfriend had an abortion yesterday.
It went ok but it took a lot out of her.

'go back to africa, go back to india!'
'Nan shut up were at the zoo.'

Knock Knock Whos there? Luke Luke who? Look through the keyhole and you will find out!

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Howie.
Howie who?
Howie gonna figure this out?