Ham Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once there were three construction workers. When it was lunchtime one day, they all sat down together.
The first one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, turkey! I hate turkey!" So he shot himself with a rivet gun.
The second one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, ham! I hate ham!" So he jumped off the building.
The third one opened his box and said, "Eeew, mac and cheese! I hate mac and cheese!" So he ran himself over with a bulldozer.
At the funeral, their three wives were talking about their lost husbands. The first two were very sad, but the third was rather puzzled.
The first wife said, "I thought he liked turkey!"
The second one said, "I thought he liked ham!"
But the third one was still puzzled. She said, "I thought he packed his own lunch."
Pig farmers have never done well in the United States. Most Americans prefer beef to pork. Hamburger is an American favorite but contains no ham. The porcine raisers were hopeful to see a significant increase in their business after the scares about health over beef, but most of the benefits had gone to the poultry and fish industries, Sale of ham and bacon remained virtually unchanged.
Because of this, The National Porcine Association hired a major Madison Avenue advertising firm to boost sale of pork products. They decided on an intensive campaign to saturate magazines television and radio with ads urging people to eat pork patties.
The campaign was given an extra boost when Congress was convinced to designate the second of February as the day when every family would be urged to eat pork sausage. That day would be celebrated nationally, of course, as. .. Ground Hog Day.
There are a blonde brunette and a redhead on the top of a building. They all are eating sandwiches. The brunette has a ham and cheese sandwich. The redhead has a turkey with mustard sandwich. And the blonde has a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.
They all make a bet that if their mom's pack them the same sandwiches then they will jump off they building.
The next day they are at the top of the building. The brunette has a ham and cheese sandwich. So she jumped off the building.
The redhead had a turkey and mustard sandwich so she also jumped off the building.
The blonde had a PB&J sandwich so she also jumped off the building.
At the funeral the red heads Mom goes "I shouldn't have packed her a turkey and mustard sandwich.
The brunets Mom goes, "I should have packed her something else!"
The blondes Mom goes, " I shouldn't have let her pack her own lunch!"
W a t e r
1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half the world population.)
2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study.
5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.
8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to more...