Ship Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do notintend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowingup in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down thereis 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

    Entrance Test

    Hot 3 years ago

    A garbage collector, a teacher and a lawyer all die and go to heaven. When they arrive at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter meets them and informs them there will be a test before they can enter. Each of them must answer one question.
    First, St. Peter asks the teacher, "Can you name the ship that crashed into an iceberg and sank with all its passengers?"
    Thinking for a moment, the teacher replies, "I believe that would be the Titanic." "Correct," says St. Peter and the teacher enters.
    St. Peter turns to the garbage collector next and figuring that Heaven really doesn't need all the smell that guy would bring in with him, he decides to make the question a little more difficult. "How many people died on the ship?" he asks.
    Taking a wild guess, the garbage man says, "1228." "That happens to be right, you may enter," says St. Peter.
    Finally, St. Peter turns to the lawyer, "Name them!"

    Princess Nursing home

    Hot 6 years ago

    About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner.
    At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters,
    busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady.
    I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.
    As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises".
    She replied, "Yes, that's true. It's cheaper than a nursing home".
    After talking with her, I decided there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship.
    The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per more...

    English Language

    Hot 5 years ago

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
    We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
    Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetraian more...

    Slick Sailor

    Hot 5 years ago

    There was this sailor aboard a large ship, Jones was his name and he never lost a bet.
    The week before he bet the captain that the ship was going to experience the largest storm in history, the captain said "there is nothing on the radar, your on". That night the ship experienced the largest storm in history and the captain lost $200. Tired of loseing to Jones the captian decided to transfer him to the the flag ship with the fleet admiral. He warned the admiral never to bet with Jones he never losses a bet. One day Jones came up to the admiral and said, I bet you $20 you have hodgkins podgkins desease. The admiral replied "what the hell is that, how do know if you have hodgkins podgkins desease?" Jones said well there is only one way to tell if you have hodgkins podgkins desease you stick a banana up your ass and if it comes out red you have hodgkins podgkins desease if it comes out yellow you dont." The admiral dropped his pants and stuck a banana up his more...

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