Ham Jokes

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    Ham and Eggs

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    Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

    METAPHYSICAL MENU... The main course at the big civic dinner was baked ham with glazed sweet potatoes.

    Rabbi Cohen regretfully shook his head when the platter was passed to him.' When,' scolded Father Kelly playfully,' are you going to forget that silly rule of yours and eat ham like the rest of us?' Without skipping a beat, Rabbi Cohen replied:' At your wedding reception, Father Kelly.'

    Once there were three construction workers. When it was lunchtime one day, they all sat down together.
    The first one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, turkey! I hate turkey!" So he shot himself with a rivet gun.
    The second one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, ham! I hate ham!" So he jumped off the building.
    The third one opened his box and said, "Eeew, mac and cheese! I hate mac and cheese!" So he ran himself over with a bulldozer.
    At the funeral, their three wives were talking about their lost husbands. The first two were very sad, but the third was rather puzzled.
    The first wife said, "I thought he liked turkey!"
    The second one said, "I thought he liked ham!"
    But the third one was still puzzled. She said, "I thought he packed his own lunch."

    We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
    that: - quicksand can work slowly - boxing rings are square - and a guinea
    pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers
    write, but fingers don't fing... - grocers don't groce,- and hammers
    don't ham?

    There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
    pine in pineapple.

    English muffins were not invented in England, nor French fries in France.

    Sweetmeats are candies... while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

    If the plural of tooth is teeth... - why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

    One goose, 2 geese; so, one moose, 2. .. meese?

    One index, two indices?

    Is cheese the plural of choose?

    If it is he, his and him - Shouldn't it be she, shis and shim?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

    If a vegetarian eats vegetables, more...

    What do you call a pig who overacts? A ham ham.

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