Glasses Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two guys, one with a Doberman and the other with a Chihuahua, were taking a walk. As they strolled down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and have something to drink."
The guy with the Chihuahua replied, "We can't go in there. We have our dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar.
"Sorry, buddy, no pets allowed," the bouncer at the door said.
The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
"A Doberman?" the bouncer asked skeptically.
"Yes, they're using them now," the man replied. "They're actually quite good."
"Ok then, come on in," said the bouncer.
The guy with the Chihuahua decided he'd try it too, so he put on a pair of dark more...

In hearing an Irish case of assault and battery, counsel, in cross examining one of the witnesses, asked him what they had the first place they stopped at. "Four glasses of ale," was the reply. "Next?" "Two glasses of whiskey." "Next?" "One glass of brandy." "Next?" "A fight."

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."

The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."

The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around.
The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could think of.
When they finally arrived at the restaurant, and the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "And while you're in there, you might as well get my hat, too..."

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"

A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be, " said the patient with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."