Glasses Jokes / Recent Jokes
Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"
A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses. The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks: ‘Can your dog perform other tricks? ’.
‘But of course’, the man answers, ‘he can even gratify a woman’. Anxious to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a little room above the bar. She undresses and full of expectation she lies down on the bed. The dog looks at her and does nothing, and the man then shouts to the dog, ‘OK. Just ONE more time, let me show you how it’s done”.
Binoculars & Glasses
Glasses never collect moisture when you come in from the cold outside.
Computer geeks and "intelligent" persons use them, action heros never have glasses.
Whenever someone looks through the binoculars, you see two joined circles instead of one.
Bodily Functions
People never cough, sneeze, blow their noses, or show any other symptoms of being in less than perfect health.
You can eat as much as you want in a film and you'll never EVER have to go to the bathroom.
Locks
Any lock can be picked with a credit card or a paper clip. Any safe can be opened in a few minutes with a stethoscope or some high-tech equipment with lots of blinking lights.
Women
Women will always have shaved legs and armpits, even in caveman movies.
Women will be worrying about their nails or dresses while people are trying to kill them.
Woman falls to the more...
Why do dinosaurs wear glasses? To make sure they dont step on other dinosaurs.
While on a car trip, an old couple stopped at a roadside restaurantfor lunch. The old woman unfortunately left her glasses on the table, but didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around.The old man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant, telling his wife she needs to be more responsible about her
belongings.When they finally arrived, as the old woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses the old man said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too."
To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist Julie
Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall
for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed
was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary movie "Sound Of Music."
However, the lyrics of the song were deliberately changed for the
entertainment of her "blue hair" audience. Here are the lyrics she
recited:
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting, Walkers and handrails
and new dental fittings, Bundles of magazines tied up with string, These
are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillac's, cataracts, hearing aids and glasses, Polident, Fixodent and
dentures and glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad
I simply remember my more...
Once Santa Singh And Banta Singh Went To The 25th Floor Of A Building. Santa Singh Came Down. On Reaching The Ground Floor He Realised That He Forgot His Handkerchif And Glasses At The Top. So He Shouted Out To Banta Singh" Arre Bhai Banta, Zara Mere Glasses To Phek Dena!" Banta Singh Did So. The Glasses Fell And Broke. Santa Singh Shouted Again " Nahin! Nahin! Dont Throw My Handkerchief, I'm Comming Up....!"