Glasses Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Yo momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

    Golden Urinal

    Hot 1 day ago

    A man comes home late one night, drunk.
    "Where have you been?" asks his wife.
    "In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!"
    This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.
    "Do you have golden chairs?"
    "Yes."
    "Do you have golden glasses?"
    "Yes."
    "Do you have golden beer?"
    "Yes."
    "Do you have a golden urinal?"
    "Hold on."
    On the other end, she hears "I think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone."

    Impaired Vision

    Hot 2 years ago

    An old snake went to his doctor and told him, "Doc, I think I need something for my eyes. I don't seem to see very well nowadays."
    The doctor fixed him up with a pair of glasses and told him to return in a couple of weeks for a check up.
    When he returned two weeks later, the doctor asked him how his vision was since he had the new glasses.
    "Great," replied the snake. "Only problem is, now I'm very depressed."
    "Why are you depressed?" asked the doctor. "Didn't the glasses help?"
    "Oh, the glasses are great, doc," replied the snake. "The problem is, when I got home with them, I realized I've been sleeping with a garden hose for the past couple of years."

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex.

    Then again, maybe he does...

    Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

    Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

    Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

    Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to fuck me?

    Wellhung: OK

    Sweetheart: We're in my more...

    1. Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
    2. Your dad is some sort of engineer.
    3. Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
    4. You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing.
    5. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
    6. You shop 99 ranch.
    7. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from.
    8. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
    9. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
    10. You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.
    11. Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage".
    12. You drive mostly Japanese cars..
    13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
    14. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even more...

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