Favorite Jokes / Recent Jokes
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.
In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer.
"Joe. Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
"Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"
"I didn't ask for any details." the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
"Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--"
"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply more...
About this time last year, I was sitting in my dentist's office waiting to have a root canal done, when I noticed a flyer (advertisement) for a "personal dental drill". After some interesting images went through my head, I asked the receptionist if they really sold these things and she said yes.
Well, it was three days before Christmas and I hadn't gotten the secretary in the office (Vivian) a present yet, so I bought one.
When I got home, I realized that there was no literature in the little package - no warranty card, no instruction, no nothing - so I wrote some. Below is the promotional flyer that came with Vivian's.
Thank you for purchasing the "digger" personal dental drill from ACME Corp., makers of do it yourself dental devices since 1939.
We hope you will get years of satisfaction from your new drill. The enclosed instruction manual provides step by step instructions for performing a variety of dental procedures from simple cavaties to root more...
My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
An American was telling one of his favorite jokes to a group of friends."Hell is a place where the cooks are British, the waiters are French, the
policemen are Germans, and the trains are run by Italians."The lone European in the group pondered all this for a second and responded, "I can't say about the police and the trains, but you're probably right about going out to eat. A restaurant in Hell would be one where the cooks are British and the waiters are French - and the customers are all Americans."
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. You ski uphill. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. You speed walk in your sleep. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack." You answer the door before people knock. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You lick your coffeepot clean. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House." You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You chew on other people's fingernails. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to more...
Q: Why do we paint Easter eggs?
A: Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!
Q: Who is the Easter Bunny's favorite movie actor?
A: Rabbit De Niro!
Q: Does the Easter Bunny like baseball?
A: Oh, yes. He's a rabbit fan!
Q: What's pink, has five toes, and is carried by the Easter Bunny?
A: His lucky people's foot!
Q: What's long and stylish and full of cats?
A: The Easter Purrade!
Q: What has long ears, four legs, and is worn on your head?
A: An Easter bunnet!
Boy 1: "How did you get that bruise on your arm?"
Boy 2: "I ate some Easter candy."
Boy 1: "Eating Easter candy won't give you a bruise."
Boy 2: "It will if it's your big brother's candy!"
Q: What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with an oversterssed person?
A: An Easter basket case!
Q: What's yellow, has long ears, and grows on trees?
A: The Easter Bunana!
Q: Why does more...