Farting Jokes / Recent Jokes
An elderly woman went to the doctor's office for a check up.
The doctor asked if she had any problems. The woman said that she had a terrible farting problem, but they were silent & didn't smell. In fact she had farted at least 10 times since she had been in the office, but as they were silent & didn't smell he wouldn't have known.
The doctor listened to her story and then gave her a prescription for some pills. He told her to take these for a week and then come back to see him.
1 week later the elderly woman returned to the doctor's office and complained "I don't know what you did but those pills you gave me have got my wind smelling awful, mind you they are still silent but boy do they stink!"
The doctor replied, "Good, now that your sinuses are cleared up we will work on improving your hearing!"
Aries
The Ram. Their farts are "Built Ram Tough". They may feel like Curly-Qs coming out of their asses because their farts mimic the curves of a ram's horns. They, the farts, sometimes like to butt heads with other farts. Since people born under the sign of Aries show strong leadership and like to get things started, they are always the first ones to fart while around other people. Their farts tend to be loud since they are energetic. Do you like to hear robust farts? Too shy to be the first one to fart? Get with an Aries.
Taurus
The Bull. Their farts can be very stubborn, and once released, they can stink up a space with power for very long periods of time-longer than average. Their farts just don't want to go away. Their farts can even be kinda sharp and hurt their *******s when they come out, because they are big and mimic the sharp horns of the bull. Since Taurus people love sensual pleasures, they must take care not to over-indulge and more...
Dear Mr., Mrs., or Ms.,
Please forgive my behavior at the party last night. I know my actions were terrible, and I beg you to excuse me. Please check all that apply.
Mr. _______ regrets exceedingly his deplorable conduct while a guest at your party on _______ and begs forgiveness for the breach(es) of etiquette checked below.
__Spilling Drink
__Picking Nose at Table
__Scratching Nuts With Salad Fork
__Indiscriminate Spitting
__Complete Loss of Equilibrium
__Indiscriminate Goosing
__Inspecting Hosiery
__Belching
__Passing Out
__Failure to Zip Up Pants
__Hunting Female Navel
__Frequent and Prolonged Absence From Party
__Pissing in Sink
__Taking Off Pants
__Gut Rumbling
__Unfastening Bras on Various Ladies
__Loud Farting
__Biting Tits of Various Females
__Pissing in the punch bowl
__Fondling the breast of the hostess or guests
__Disappearing for extended periods of time with more...
There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smells would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.
Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural function and then would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."
The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out." That is until one more...