Farmhouse Jokes / Recent Jokes

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines." Don't know," the woman said. He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U- turn and drove up to them." This is my husband," the old woman said. "He doesn't know how to get to Des Moines either."

It was a rainy night in Walnut Cove and the highway bridge was washed out. The only hotel in town was filled to capacity with motorists who couldn't get across the bridge. An elderly couple tried to get a room in a hotel, but were turned away.
"Please.." the old man bemoaned, "we've traveled all day, we're old and feeble, and we are too tired to travel any further."
The hotel clerk felt sorry for the couple, so he informed them that down the road a couple of blocks was an old farmhouse which was owned by an elderly farmer and his wife and that they were deaf. He informed them that this deaf couple had helped the hotel in the past by making rooms available to hotel guests when the hotel was full. He told them, "Just walk into the farmhouse because they won't be able to hear you knocking on the door. The deaf farmer and his wife will know you need a room for the night."
Off they went. When they walked into the farmhouse, they were shocked to see more...

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
She looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.
"Okay", she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, more...

Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*... he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, "Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but Iwanted to let you know instead of just driving off...." "Not so fast", says she. "How do you know it was our cat? Could youdescribe him? What does he look like?" The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said "He looks like thts"as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression. "Oh no, you *horrible* man", she replied. "I meant, what did he look like*before* you hit him?" At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and more...

Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and *splat!*... he flattened the cat.

Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants.

When the housewife came to the door, said he, 'Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off....'

'Not so fast', says she. 'How do you know it was our cat?
Could you describe him? What does he look like?'

The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said...
'He looks like thts'as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.

'Oh no, you *horrible* man', she replied.
'I meant, what did he look like *before* you hit him?'

The man got up, covered his eyes with more...

This is just one of many pieces of farm humor that you'll find on Aha! Jokes!


I flattened your cat Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*... he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, 'Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but Iwanted to let you know instead of just driving off....'

'Not so fast', says she. 'How do you know it was our cat? Could youdescribe him? What does he look like?'

The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said 'He looks like thts'as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.

'Oh no, you *horrible* man', she replied. 'I meant, what did he look more...

A police chief, a fire chief, and a city attorney were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse.
The farmer welcomed them in, but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn.
Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief.
A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the more...