Farmhouse Jokes

One day, Bill Clinton decided to go for a ride in his limo. He was tired of the city, so he told his limo driver to take him to the country.
They drove around for hours, and it soon became late. The driver was geting rather tired and found it difficult to keep his eyes open.
Suddenly, the limo hit a huge bump and and the two men heard a terrible scream.
The limo driver stopped the car immediatly to see what had happened. Bill Clinton soon got out of the car also, to investigate.
"What happened?!" asked Bill.
"I ran over a pig," replied his driver.
Bill Clinton looked horrified.
"Well go over to that farmhouse and tell them what you did. That pig could have been their's."
So the driver walked over to the farmhouse and knocked on the door.
Bill Clinton waited in the limo for nearly 2 and a half hours.
Finally, the limo driver came back and got back into the car. Bill Clinton, infuriated that his driver had left him more...

A cute, young blonde is driving through the country when her car breaks down. The only house within miles is a big, old farmhouse. She goes to the door and asks the farmer if she can use the phone. The auto club tells her that they can't come out to fix her car until the next day. She tells the farmer this, and he agrees to let her stay the night as long as she keeps away from his sons, Billy and Zeb, who are innocent in the ways of the world.
Later that night, she's getting all hot and bothered and she decides to visit the two strapping teenage farm boys down the hall. She sneaks into their room and offers to teach them about the facts of life.
"Huh?" is their response.
"Don't worry," she says, "you'll like this. But I'm not getting pregnant,
so I'll put these condoms on you."
She puts condoms on the two boys and says, "There, now I won't get pregnant."
They have a wild night. The next day, the auto club fixes her car more...

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines."Don't know," the woman said.He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U- turn and drove up to them."This is my husband," the old woman said. "He doesn't know how to get to Des Moines either."

A farmer purchased an old, run-down; abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences were broken down.
During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"
A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Low and behold, it's a completely different place. The farmhouse is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows.
"Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!"
"Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"

A police chief, a fire chief, and a city manager were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer welcomed them in, but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, more...