Forty Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Lock, Stock and Barrel

    Hot 11 months ago

    An entrepreneur attended an auction at which he won the bid on an old safe. With dreams of a large fortune inside, he was told that the business from which the safe originated was so long defunct, that no one had the combination. Undaunted, he called a locksmith to try to get the safe open.

    The first locksmith told the entrepreneur that it would cost forty dollars to open the safe intact. However, tried as he might, he couldn't open it, and told the wealthy man that he had lost his money in buying the safe.

    The entrepreneur then contacted another locksmith, a crusty, bent old man with three days' growth of white whiskers, who took a long look at the safe, noted its manufacturer and retired to his truck. Shortly, he returned with a power drill, a ruler, and a small, bent piece of metal.

    The locksmith measured a few inches from the dial and marked an "x" at the "2 o'clock" mark. It took more than half an hour for the old man to drill more...

    Tounge twister

    Hot 10 months ago

    Dr suess tonuge twister.
    See if you can do this read each
    sentence out loud!
    This is this cat
    This is is cat
    This is how cat
    This is to cat
    This is keep cat
    This is a cat
    This is dumbass cat
    This is busy cat
    This is for cat
    This is forty cat
    This is seconds cat.
    Now read only the the third line of each
    This is how to keep a dumbass
    busy for forty seconds.

    Tongue Twister

    Hot 3 years ago

    Say this out loud:
    this is a cat
    is is a cat
    how is a cat
    to is a cat
    keep is a cat
    a is a cat
    dumbass is a cat
    busy is a cat
    for is a cat
    forty is a cat
    seconds is a cat
    now read only the first word of each line!!
    THIS is a cat
    IS is a cat
    HOW is a cat
    TO is a cat
    KEEP is a cat
    A is a cat
    DUMBASS is a cat
    BUSY is a cat
    FOR is a cat
    FORTY is a cat
    SECONDS is a cat

    Paid By Medicaid

    Hot 1 year ago

    A Soviet emigre boy and girl come to a doctor's office and say: "Doctor, we would like to know if we are screwing properly. Will you watch us, please?" The doctor, somewhat puzzled, agrees, they climb on his table, the boy gets on top of the girl, and they have sex. After observing them, the doctor says, "Yes, you're having sex properly. That will be forty dollars." They come back the next day with the same request, but this time the boy enters the girl from the rear. They keep coming for four days in a row, using different positions every day. On the fifth visit the doctor says, "Why do you keep on coming back? I told you you're having sex properly." The boy explains, "The hotel room costs the same forty dollars, but this way we get reimbursed by Medicaid."

    A couple married forty years were revisiting the same placesthey went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secludedcountryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence runningalong the road.The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we didhere forty years ago."The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, andhe immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. Theymade love like never before.Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin', you sure never movedlike that forty years ago-or any time since that I can remember!"The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!"

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