Fall Jokes / Recent Jokes
One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Dave then asked who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." "Can I borrow your dog?" "Get in line." replied the man.
Here are a few examples of before and after you fall in love:
b- you take my breath away
a- i feel like I'm suffocating
b- twice a night
a- twice a month
b- she says she loves the way i take control of a situation
a- she called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac
b- Lucy and Ricky
a- Fred and Ethyl
b- Saturday night fever
a- Monday night football
b- he makes me feel like a million dollars
a - if i had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...
b- don't stop
a- don't start
b- the sound of music
a- the sounds of silence
b-is that all your having?
a- maybe you should have just a salad, honey
b- wheel of fortune
a- jeopardy
b- its like I'm living in a dream
a- its like he lives in a dorm
b- $60/doz.
a- $1.50/stem
b- turbo charged
a- jump start
b- we agree on everything
a- doesn't she have a mind of her own?
b- Victoria's secret
a- fruit of the loom
b- charming more...
Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead...Why'd the other monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead too...Why'd the third monkey fall outta the tree? peer pressure...
The following is a list of modern curses, curses appropriate to the modern times, because the old ones are no longer relevant. People will appreciate being cursed with curses with which they can personally identify.
May your personal organizer crash
May you be always stuck in rush hour
May hackers use your name
May Revenue Canada (or the I.R.S.) do an audit
May your diet fail
May your liposuction oversuck
May your hair fall out, and your teeth fall in
May your children be academically minded and stay at school forever
May traffic officers hate you
May your accountant be honest
May your children sue, grabbit and run
May your opposite gender boss desire you
May your air conditioning fail
May your laptop crash
May a computer take over your wife
May your mechanic be incompetent
May you be flammed of the net
May your dog eat your remote
May the save function always fail
May global warming flood your beach more...
Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
Twitch a lot.
Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
Become a subgenius.
Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your
seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work
up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
Walk and talk backwards.
Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the
middle of your room. Number them.
Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your
roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than
meets the eye."
Kill roaches with a more...
Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead
Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was hit by the first koala
Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
Because it thought it was a game and joined in
Why did the boy fall off his bike?
Because he was hit by falling koalas.