Elf Jokes / Recent Jokes

ELF NO. 1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone, sack time!!

And Joseph went up from Galilee to Bethlehem with Mary, his espoused wife, who was great with child. And she brought forth a son and wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger because there was no room for them in the inn. And the angel of the Lord spoke to the shepherds and said, "I bring you tidings of great joy. Unto you is born a Savior, which is Christ the Lord."
"There's a problem with the angel," said a Pharisee who happened to be strolling by. As he explained to Joseph, angels are widely regarded as religious symbols, and the stable was on public property where such symbols were not allowed to land or even hover.
"And I have to tell you, this whole thing looks to me very much like a Nativity scene," he said sadly. "That's a no-no, too." Joseph had a bright idea. "What if I put a couple of reindeer over there near the ox and ass?" he said, eager to avoid sectarian more...

Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elf-abet! Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas? A: "I don't like sprouts"! Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missletoe! Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite. Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem. Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens? A: So he can ho-ho-ho. Q: Where do polar bears vote? A: The North Poll. Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? A: Ribbon hood. Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter? A: Because it's to far to walk. Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas? A: Forty feet of track - all straight! Q: What kind of bird can write? A: A PENguin. Q: How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct? A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree. Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? A: Sandy Claus! more...

Why did santa's little helper become a prostitute?
Because she was a hoe hoe hoe with low elf asteem.

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!
Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: "I don't like sprouts"!
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.
Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Because it's to far to walk.
Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: Forty feet of track - all straight!
Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PENguin.
Q: How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct?
A: On Christmas more...

Santa loves a good joke. He must -- he tells the same ones over
and over again, time after time! Here are some of his favorites:

I just got back from my yearly flight around the world. Boy, are
my arms tired!... After I left home, I wrote my mother that I'd
grown another foot. So she knit me another sock.

Let me tell you about the Ice Nymphs. Once three nymphs were
sleeping in the same bed. It was so crowded that one got out and
slept on the floor. After a while, one of the Nymphs said to the
one on the floor, "You ought to get back in the bed with us.
There's lots more room now!"... Once the Nymphs were out playing
football. One of the players asked the coach to flood the field
so he could go in as a sub.

Then there are the elves. One of the elves is great at magic. He
walked around the corner and turned into an outhouse.... One elf
snored so loud he woke himself up. But then he solved more...

What is an elf's favourite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!