Eggplant Jokes

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a more...

Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

SON: What vegetable makes your eyes water?
DAD: An onion son.
SON: You've obviously never been hit in the nads with an eggplant then dad!'

Today I brought a frozen eggplant parmigiana (grilled, not fried) to the office for lunch. This was the first time I brought such a meal – normally I do the sandwich route, but today I wanted something different.

Oh, I got something different. You know when it says on food packages that microwave settings vary? At home, I put the eggplant parmigiana in the microwave for 13 minutes and it comes out perfect. Well, the microwave in my office seems to have been assembled at Los Alamos – I put it up for 13 minutes and the damn thing incinerated my lunch. All of the cheese evaporated, the tomato sauce hardened into lava and only a few strips of eggplant remained unscathed.

Needless to say, I am both angry and hungry. Though at the moment, the hunger is stronger than the anger. And I have another five hours to go before dinnertime!

But on the other hand...I need to shed a few pounds. Maybe this smaller meal is a blessing in microwaved disguise?