Maine Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    What's the difference between Maine and New Hampshire?
    In New Hampshire, Moosehead is a beer. In Maine, it's sexual assault.

    The following is an old anecdote, but a good one. Sometime in the early 1900's,
    P. T. Barnum, the owner of the Barnum & Bailey circus and originator of the
    phrase "There's a sucker born every minute" offered $10,000 in cash to any person
    who could thoroughly dupe, or sucker, him.
    Barnum was always looking for interesting new acts or novel creatures to
    exhibit, and one day he received a letter from a fellow in Maine who claimed
    to possess a cherry-colored cat and asked if Barnum were interested in such
    a thing for his circus. Barnum contacted the man and said yes, if the cat were
    truly cherry-colored, he'd gladly put it on display. Well, a few days later
    a crate marked "live animal" arrived for him. When Barnum opened it, he found
    a somewhat frightened but otherwise perfectly ordinary-looking black housecat
    inside, along with a note which read:
    Maine cherries are black.
    There's a sucker born every more...

    Q: How do you know that the toothbrush was invented in Maine?
    A: Because if it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush!

    Some friends were on vacation in Maine, and while watching fireworks heard their small son say, "Oh, God!"
    The father quickly cautioned his son, "Please don't speak the Lord's name in vain."
    The boy nodded but obviously mis-heard, because he asked quietly, "Is it OK if I speak his name back in Minnesota?"

    These are actual signs seen across the USA:
    In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
    On a movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.
    In a florida maternity ward: No children allowed
    In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
    In a toy department: Five santa clauses, no waiting.
    On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
    On military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personel
    On a display of "You're my one and only" valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
    In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan
    In a clothing store: Bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks
    In a men's clothing store: 15 mens wool suits - $10.00. They won't last an hour!
    On an Indiana shopping mall marquee: Archery tournament. Ears pierced.
    In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel/No more...

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