Egg Jokes / Recent Jokes

What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It may take me a while to get hard, I got layed an hour ago.

Ladies - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

Real Women - If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the more...

Martha's Way:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Woman's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.
Martha's Way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Real Woman's Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's Way: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Woman's Way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
Martha's Way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."
The Real Woman's Way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too more...

** Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

** Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

** To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

** Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan and the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers.

** To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.

** To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove-top.

** Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces and there won't be any stains.

** When a cake recipe calls for flouring more...

On the first day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me a Big
Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the second day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Two
Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the third day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Three
Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Four
Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big
Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me Five
onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy
Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the sixth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me Six
chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three
Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the seventh day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me more...