Disposable Jokes

This is what you need to do. Please read these instructions carefully before
beginning.
Tools needed: one hammer, one scredriver, one pair of pliers, one heavy-duty
pair of wire cutters, one bucket of saline water, a box of sani-wipes.
Jokes Stop payment on any checks that you may have sent to your
Internet Service Provider (GOD).
If GOD is unresponsive and you are still receiving mail from this list,
you will need to find the "mailhost". This is a machine usually located in a
locked office. Every day around noon, the mailman will deliver a box of
diskettes with that day's mail messages, including yours from this list, to this
machine. Typically, only a handful of people have keys to the "mailhost". The
reason why this machine is locked up is because this is typically the best,
fastest, most powerful computer at your facility and the people with keys don't
want to share it. If you must, break or pry the door down more...

Dear Dr. RAM
I have a computer with a Pentium 133 CPU. I want to increase the speed, but I have no money to spend on an upgrade. What do you advise?
- Speed Fiend
Dear Speed,
Ask you doctor to prescribe you something to slow down your metabolism. Take the medicine and wait for a couple of hours. Then switch your computer on and you will notice a dramatic increase in speed and overall performances.
Dear Dr. RAM,
I bought a $ 5,000 notebook, with batteries guaranteed to last for six hours. They did actually last for about that long, after which the computer went dead. What shall I do? Shall I try and change the batteries?
- Out Of Power
Dear Out,
From your description, I believe that you bought a disposable notebook and therefore there is nothing you can do. However, you are in luck: I happen to collect disposable notebooks, even if they have no use whatsoever. Send me your machine and I shall mail you $50, so you will not suffer a total loss. No, more...

This is what you need to do. Please read these instructions carefully before beginning.
Tools needed: one hammer, one scredriver, one pair of pliers, one heavy-duty pair of wire cutters, one bucket of saline water, a box of sani-wipes.
Jokes Stop payment on any checks that you may have sent to your Internet Service Provider (GOD).
If GOD is unresponsive and you are still receiving mail from this list, you will need to find the "mailhost". This is a machine usually located in a locked office. Every day around noon, the mailman will deliver a box of diskettes with that day's mail messages, including yours from this list, to this machine. Typically, only a handful of people have keys to the "mailhost". The reason why this machine is locked up is because this is typically the best, fastest, most powerful computer at your facility and the people with keys don't want to share it. If you must, break or pry the door down with one (1) hammer (you did get all the more...

1. Go to the crafts store.
2. Purchase one or more bags of dried fruit, some plaster of
paris, brown paint and a disposable cake pan.
3. Return home.
4. Unwrap the dried fruit, carefully folding the wrapper inside-
out and placing it at the bottom of your trash can. Better
yet, send it through your personal paper shredder and use it
for insulation in the attic.
5. Mix the plaster of paris with water and pour into the
disposable cake pan. Place dried fruit on top, gently
pushing in so it looks "baked" in the "batter." Let dry.
6. Take your "fruitcake" out of the disposable cake pan.
7. Cover the top, bottom and sides with brown paint, avoiding
the fruit.
8. Wrap your "fruitcake" in festive, colored saran wrap and
finish with a bow. I like using red wrap because it gives a
warm glow to the "fruitcake."
9. Give your "fruitcake" to someone you more...