Deliver Jokes

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    Delivering a baby

    Hot 6 years ago

    A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby."Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"

    Country Doctor

    Hot 3 years ago

    The country doctor headed out into the boondocks to deliver a baby. This place was so far out that there was no electricity. When he arrived there was no one home except the expectant mother and her 6 year old child.
    The doctor told the child to hold a lantern up high so he would be able see while he helped the mother deliver. The child held the lantern as the doctor instructed. The mother began to push and after a while the doctor lifted the newborn by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
    "Spank him again," the child said. "He never should have crawled up there in the first place!"

    An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
    The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
    "Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"

    31. Inform your English class that they need to know FORTRAN and
    code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.
    32. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers
    McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question,
    walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
    33. Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".
    34. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular
    intervals.
    35. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the
    teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
    36. Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.
    37. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
    38. Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten
    minutes.
    39. Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams more...

    A mother was teaching her 3 year old daughter the Lord's Prayer.
    For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo.
    The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end.
    "Lead us not into temptation" she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen."

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