Dispenser Jokes / Recent Jokes

What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...

I'm not making this up. This is almost as good as the
"Nintendo Cereal System." Everything after this sentence is
quoted from a coupon offer in the San Francisco Chronicle
of Sunday June 25, 1989 from Kraft foods and referencing a
copyright of Paramount Pictures Corporation.
Get your One-of-a-Kind
Star Trek V (the final frontier)
Kraft Marshmallow Dispenser
Experience the 23rd century with a one-of-a-kind, futuristic
marshmallow dispenser. It holds up to four KRAFT Jet-Puffed
Marshmallows. Its dual action lever opens and dispenses the
marshmallows in a single motion. The dispenser also comes
with a durable plastic fork and spoon, making it ideal for
camping trips. It can be clipped to a belt or almost anything.
The official marshmallow of the Starship U.S.S. Enterprise.(TM)

What to do With Hotel Soap

The following letters were taken from an actual incident
between a London hotel and one of its guests.

Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top
of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This
leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear more...

While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked.
As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed. "I see... it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him."

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers.
He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how lifelike he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look," says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser." To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood... sure enough he drops the other bar of soap.
The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives one last, despairing tug then yells

"Holy Mary, Mother of God - Hand more...