Dispenser Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...

    I'm not making this up. This is almost as good as the
    "Nintendo Cereal System." Everything after this sentence is
    quoted from a coupon offer in the San Francisco Chronicle
    of Sunday June 25, 1989 from Kraft foods and referencing a
    copyright of Paramount Pictures Corporation.
    Get your One-of-a-Kind
    Star Trek V (the final frontier)
    Kraft Marshmallow Dispenser
    Experience the 23rd century with a one-of-a-kind, futuristic
    marshmallow dispenser. It holds up to four KRAFT Jet-Puffed
    Marshmallows. Its dual action lever opens and dispenses the
    marshmallows in a single motion. The dispenser also comes
    with a durable plastic fork and spoon, making it ideal for
    camping trips. It can be clipped to a belt or almost anything.
    The official marshmallow of the Starship U.S.S. Enterprise.(TM)

    by Robert Chen
    You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
    31. Switch the label on skim milk with the one on whole milk.
    32. Yell to someone walking by, "I'll take two hot dogs, and my son will have some peanuts."
    33. After getting all your food, sit down. Start arranging your food alphabetically, from left to right. Ask the person next to you whether you should put orange juice under "o" or "j."
    34. Bring in a television and VCR. Set it up to play "Faces of Death." Eat avidly as you describe each screen to everyone. Embellish. Don't be afraid to speak while your mouth is full.
    35. Get a large container and fill it with milk. Pour its contents into the cereal dispenser. Dispense cereal. Complain about how you always get too much milk.
    36. Go up to someone you don't know and say, "Can I toast your buns?"
    37. Talk to your food. Tell it to quit more...

    Effective immediately, a toilet policy will be established which will provide a more consistent method of accounting for staff, ensuring effective time management and equal treatment for all.
    On the first day of every month, all staff members will be issued twenty toilet trip tickets which may be accumulated.
    All toilet doors will be equipped with computer-linked voice recognition devices. All staff must immediately provide management with two voiceprints, one normal and one under stress.
    Once an employee's toilet trip bank reaches zero, the toilet doors will not unlock for the employee's voice until the 1st of the month.
    Additionally, all cubicles are to be equipped with timed paper-roll extractors. Should the toilet be occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds later, the roll of toilet paper will retract into the dispenser, the toilet will flush and the door will automatically open.
    If the toilet remains occupied, your photograph more...

    Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
    Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
    Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
    Rust problem in engineering causes support failure- one corner
    of warp coil now held up by phone book.
    Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".
    Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
    Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image
    from flickering.
    Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling
    through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
    Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
    Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either
    side become too steep for crew to climb.
    Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2
    people on board.
    Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop and the ship is
    overcome by ten thousand care bears.
    Ship cannot enter warp more...

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