Statue Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Museum Statue

    Hot 2 years ago

    Two elderly women are walking through a museum and get separated.
    As soon as they meet up with each other again, one of them appears quite flustered and says, "Goodness, gracious! Did you see the statue of the naked man back there? I've never been so shocked. How can they possibly display such a thing. My gosh, the penis on it was so large!"
    Whereupon, the other old lady accidentally blurts out, "Yes, and cold, too!"

    A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg".The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."

    Halo Statues

    Hot 3 years ago

    An Italian man immigrates to America. He starts sweeping floors in a pizzeria, and after 15 years works his way up to owning a small chain of pizzerias.

    He decides to have his own house designed and built for him. And it is going to have everything!

    One day he is talking to the contractor and said, "Makea you sure you puta plenty da halo statues inna da house. I wanna hava lotsa da halo statues. One inna every room, even da bathroom."The contractor, realizing his client must be a very religious person, carefully plans a niche in every room, and personally searches for the perfect statue for each niche.

    Finally, the house is finished. The Italian man walks through his new home for the first time. The contractor points out all the features, and finally the Italian man said, "But wherea are alluh my halo statues? I wanna lotsa halo statues!"

    And the contractor points to the niches and said, "I put a statue in every more...

    A male pastor entered a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people noticed him.
    As the room quieted down he approached the bartender and asked, "May I use the restroom, please?"
    "I really don't think that's a good idea," the bartender replied.
    "Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use a restroom!"
    "Well, I really don't think you should," insisted the bartender. "There's a statue of a naked woman in there and she's only covered by a fig leaf."
    "Nonsense," said the pastor, "I'll look the other way!"
    So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs and he proceeded to the restroom.
    After a few minutes he came back out and the place was hopping with music and dancing again. He went to the bartender and said, "Excuse me, sir, but I don't understand. When I first came in here the place was more...

    A man was browsing in an antique store when he came upon a statue of a rat. He asked the price and the owner said, "The statue of the rat is $100; the legend behind the statue is another $100."
    The man agreed to buy only the statue itself, although the owner warned as he left, "You'll be back for the legend!"
    The man tossed the statue into the back seat of his car and started to drive away.
    There were several rats in the alley that began to chase the car. As he went through town, many more rats began to chase the car, until literally hundreds of rats were swarming the car.
    Frightened, the man sped toward the edge of town to a bridge over the river. He tossed the statue over the bridge and into the water below. All the rats jumped in after the statue and drowned.
    The man, now visibly shaken, returned to the antique store.
    The owner, seeing him approach, said, "Now, do you want the legend behind the statue of the more...

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