Directions Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hell is a very small town in Michigan (just off of M-36, near Pinckney in Livingston county) that has it's own combination post-office and general store. The zip code there is 48169. Driving directions from Detroit, MI: I-96 West to US-23 South Right on Whitmore Lake Road Left on Spicer Road (which becomes M-36 East) Turn right on Hamburg Road (stay on M-36 East) Left on S. Peaceful Valley Drive. So, you're now able to provide _exact_ directions when telling someone to "Go To Hell!"

More than thirty years ago when I first moved to Memphis TN in the United States, I traveled over to the state of Arkansas in search of an antique automobile museum which I was told was located in a public park named Petit Jean State Park.
I stopped at a rural grocery store to ask directions and, pronouncing the place name in my very best Louisiana Cajun French, asked for directions to Petit Jean.
The proprietor told me that he had never heard of any such place. I then explained that it was the location of an antique automobile museum to which he exclaimed, "Oh, you mean PETTY GENE!" and proceeded to give me explicit directions.

In my job with a delivery company, I was getting directions to a customer's home.The woman very specifically said, "From the main road in the center of town go two lights. Look for the post office. Turn left onto the next street. Go 1.3 miles. Drive past a red hydrant and then take the next right. Go 50 yards. My driveway is the second on the right, and the number is on the mailbox.As I entered the information into the computer, I asked, "What color is your house?"The woman paused a second, then said, "Hold on. I'll go check."

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.
DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost, compared to a control group where only 0. 2 percent asked for directions.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks-especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive more...

I received this from a friend of mine...she being a little perturbed about men at the moment. Being a sensitive guy myself, I can laugh at the following. So, please note... I am a MAN, posting this. I found it quite funny.
And, incidentally, I stopped and asked for directions last night... wow... what a way to impress a girl!
Familiarize yourself with the layout of your house. If you don't know where the kitchen is stop and ask for directions.
While we are on the subject, when you are lost OUTSIDE the home, stop and ask for directions then, too.
Try not to confuse the woman of your life with your mother, your ex-girlfriend, or Charles Barkley.
Provide high level of services. This includes, but not limited to, dealing with all dead things from steak and garbage to vermin.
Living vermin are your department too.
Buy gifts that suggest that you have at least some rudimentary knowledge of the recipient's identity.
If you value your life, never, ever make the more...

I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips. Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together. Can I borrow that quarter,' cause my mom told me to call home when I fell in loveWhat's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me. Are your legs tired?' cause you been running through my mind ALL day long. Are you lost?' cause it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven. Is your father a thief?' cause he stole the sparkle from the stars, and put it in your eyes. (yo, watch out though, and be prepared with a snappy answer just in case she says' yes')Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again? What's that in your eye? Oh... it's a sparkle. If I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight? Can I see that label? I just wanted to know if you were made in heaven. Do you like raisins? How about a date? So... How am I doin'? I more...

THE MAN'S POINTS SYSTEMFor all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here itis: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the womanhappy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something shedislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doingsomething she expects... Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system: SIMPLE DUTIESYou make the bed...+1 You make the bed, but forget to add thedecorative pillows... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpledsheets...-1 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with wings...+5 But return with beer. ..-5 You check out asuspicious noise at night. .. 0 You check out a suspicious noise andit's nothing... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it'ssomething....+5 You pummel it with a six iron....+10 It's herfather...-10 You leave the toilet seat up...-5 You replace thetoilet-paper roll when it's empty... 0 When the toilet-paper roll isbarren, you resort to more...