Dial Jokes / Recent Jokes

At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell
sophisticated American telephone technology to the Soviets.
American: "And in the United States, anyone can pick up any phone
and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them
with the police."
Soviet: "In the Soviet Union we don't require that you dial anything."

At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.
American: "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police."
Russian: "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."

At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.American: "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police."Russian: "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."

Why do blondes always die before help arrives?

They can't dial 911 there's no eleven on a telephone.

To: All Release 5.0 Users
In Recognition of the number of problems that you have been
having with our sofware, we have set up a special
private BBS to serve you better. On this BBS your needs will
be addressed promply and with the highest priority. All future
correspondence should be via this new channel.
To access the BBS, you must dial in from a PC based modem running
Windows '95 (TM Microsoft) using the communication package "el PC
telefono" which is sold in most Latin American countries. Call your
special access number 1-900-543-2100 (1200 Baud, No Parity, 1 Stop Bit).
When connected, type in your 147 character access code. Please
note that to protect your account security the code is not displayed
on the screen as you type. The password is also case sensitive.
This will give you access to the Welcome screen from which you can
access all the other areas on the BBS. (The welcome screen is very
graphics intensive more...

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a
London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel
involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove
the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest
and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank
you,
S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday,
from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap
dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your
way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should
change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my
instructions from the more...

1. Using the conferencing feature of your office phone, dial one individual, then while it's ringing dial another and conference them together. Put your own phone on mute and listen to see how long they'll make small talk before figuring out that neither one placed the call.

2. Microsoft Word has an AutoCorrect spelling function in its latest version. This function automatically corrects spelling mistakes as you type. The wonderful part of it is that you can add words to the AutoCorrect dictionary... including words that do not exist. If your co-worker leaves his computer unsecured, you're home free. For example, you could set it up so that the boss's first name, Bob, is AutoCorrected to Boob whenever the Individual types it. Or set paradigm to AutoCorrect to "puredumb." If you're good, you can get your co-worker disciplined for sexual harassment plus any number of diversity-related violations.

3. Get a greeting card that plays an insidious tune. Wrap more...