Dial Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...

    The Jackasses

    Hot 6 years ago

    This Story is true! For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you *don't* know! Now get this.
    I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it.
    A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
    I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"
    Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had written the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.
    When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a jackass!" and hung up.
    Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk more...

    Homelite Zip Start Vac Attack Blower:
    Do not point blower in direction of people or pets.
    (Wild animals are presumably okay?)
    Bono 527 Multi-Purpose Cement:
    Exposure may result in confusion.
    (Anyone who sniffs glue is more than confused)
    Bowl-Fresh Automatic Toilet Cleaning Tablets:
    Harmful if swallowed.
    (I know a kid who can put a whole orange in his mouth- but that's beside the point)
    Sunbeam Simple Press Iron:
    To prevent burn injury, keep hand away from heated area.
    (I had no idea intense heat could BURN you! Go figure!)
    Hungry Jack Lite Syrup:
    Caution: Syrup bottle may be hot.
    (After lengthy instructions on how to heat the bottle.)
    50 Water Balloons:
    This bag is not a toy.
    (Yes indeed, it's the real thing!)
    9 Piece Super Bouncers Bouncing Balls:
    This toy is a small ball.
    (Apparently that's a bad thing.)
    Tagamet HB2000:
    Do not take if you are allergic to Tagamet HB2000 or other acid more...

    Jerks by Patrick Hanifin (Reproduced without permission from the Humor Archives)
    Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found
    the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
    I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly
    the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude.
    I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits.
    After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided
    to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung
    up.
    Next to his phone number I wrote the word "Jerk," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of
    weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and then
    I'd more...

    Boudreaux Goes to Hell

    Hot 6 months ago

    Boudreaux dies and goes to hell. The devil visits him and asks, "How do you like hell, Boudreaux?"
    Boudreaux sits there smiling and says, "It's very nice, thank you, like a June day in Louisiana." The devil frowns, turns up the dial a notch, and leaves. He comes back the next day and says, "How do you like hell now, Boudreaux?"
    Boudreaux looks at him and says, "Not bad. Just like a July day in Louisiana." The devil curses and cranks it up another notch. He comes back the next day and says, "How do you like it now?"
    Boudreaux says, "Poo-ya-iee cher! Just like an August day in Louisiana." The devil thinks a minute, then cranks the dial all the way down to zero. He comes back the next day, snow is falling, ice is everywhere and Boudreaux is sitting there shivering. "Now what do you say Boudreaux?"
    "The Saints must have won the Superbowl!"

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