Describe Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Office Talk

    Hot 3 months ago

    BLAMESTORMING: Sitting in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
    SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, criticizes on everything, and then leaves.
    CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
    CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
    IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always have their idea generators running.
    MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
    PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
    SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
    SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite.
    STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce more...

    I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why.
    I drive 38 miles each way, every day, to work. That's 76 miles, of these, 16 each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. So, if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper-to-bumper. I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically half of more...

    The Obama administration will no longer describe Gitmo detainees as "enemy combatant". That phrase is now being used to describe the Republicans.

    Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

    FINE
    This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

    FIVE MINUTES
    This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it`s an even trade.

    NOTHING
    This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

    GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
    This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

    GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
    This means "I give more...

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