Crusher Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Picard:
    Sigma Indri, that's the star,
    So, Data, please, how far? How far?
    Data:
    Our ship can get there very fast
    But still the trip will last and last
    We'll have two days til we arrive
    But can the Indrans there survive?
    Picard:
    LaForge, please give us factor nine.
    LaForge:
    But, sir, the engines are offline!
    Picard:
    Offline! But why? I want to go!
    Please make it so, please make it so!
    Riker:
    But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
    We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
    The danger here is far too great!
    Picard:
    But surely we must not be late!
    Troi:
    I'm sensing anger and great ire.
    Computer:
    Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!
    Picard:
    The ship's on fire? How could this be?
    Who lit the fire?
    Riker:
    Not me.
    Worf:
    Not me.
    Picard:
    Computer, how long til we die?
    Computer:
    Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
    Data:
    May I suggest a course to take?
    We could, more...

    What the 24th century would be like under today's management
    techniques.
    After the crew is told they are now Empowered, Dr. Crusher
    begins doing medical experiments on unsuspecting enlisted personnel
    while Worf slaughters everyone he considers "weak".
    Data fails an ISO9000 audit because the construction of his
    positronic brain isn't properly documented. He curses Dr. Suhn's
    record keeping as he's stripped for parts.
    All members of the ship's maintenance crew are required to be
    involved in Quality Circles. The loss of productive work time causes
    them to cut back on scheduled repairs, resulting in a warp core
    breach that kills everyone.
    Commander Riker is fired after a round of "right sizing". Star
    Fleet decided that it didn't really need someone to seduce alien
    females and smirk a lot.
    As part of the new Dignity Enhancement program, Picard is
    forced to allow Troi to wear uniforms that cover her more...

    If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation... By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We'll have two days til we arrive But can the Indrans there survive? Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine. LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline! Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go! Please make it so, please make it so! Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can't, We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't, The danger here is far too great! Picard: But surely we must not be late! Troi: I'm sensing anger and great ire. Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire! Picard: The ship's on fire? How could this be? Who lit the fire? Riker: Not me. Worf: Not me. Picard: Computer, how long til we die? Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye. Data: May I suggest a course to take? We could, I think, quite safely make Extinguishers from tractor beams And stop the fire, more...

    After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, well open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

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