Offline Jokes

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    America Offline

    Hot 6 years ago

    [To the tune of "American Pie"]
    A long, long, time ago
    I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines.
    And I knew if I had the chance
    They could make my modem dance
    with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines.
    But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver
    with every busy they'd deliver.
    Bad news on the front page
    A 19-hour outrage.
    I can't remember if I cried
    when I realized that Steve Case had lied.
    But something touched me deep inside
    The day the service died.
    So bye bye to Amer'ca Online
    Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine.
    And good old geeks are cheering users offline
    Saying this'll be the day that they die.
    This'll be the day that they die.
    Did you write the book of TOS
    Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS
    If an IM tells you so.
    And will you believe the Motley Fool
    When he tells you that the service rules
    And can you teach me how to Web real more...

    [To the tune of "American Pie"] A long, long, time ago I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines. And I knew if I had the chance They could make my modem dance with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines. But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver with every busy they'd deliver. Bad news on the front page A 19-hour outrage. I can't remember if I cried when I realized that Steve Case had lied. But something touched me deep inside The day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine. And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. Did you write the book of TOS Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS If an IM tells you so. And will you believe the Motley Fool When he tells you that the service rules And can you teach me how to Web real slow? Well I know you sold the service short Cause I saw your quarterly report. Steve Case sold off more...

    Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star,
    So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast
    But still the trip will last and last
    We'll have two days til we arrive
    But can the Indrans there survive? Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine. LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline! Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go!
    Please make it so, please make it so! Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
    We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
    The danger here is far too great! Picard: But surely we must not be late! Troi: I'm sensing anger and great ire. Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire! Picard: The ship's on fire? How could this be?
    Who lit the fire? Riker: Not me. Worf: Not me. Picard: Computer, how long til we die? Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye. Data: May I suggest a course to take?
    We could, I think, quite safely make
    Extinguishers from tractor beams
    And stop the fire, or so it seems... Geordi: more...

    Picard:
    Sigma Indri, that's the star,
    So, Data, please, how far? How far?
    Data:
    Our ship can get there very fast
    But still the trip will last and last
    We'll have two days til we arrive
    But can the Indrans there survive?
    Picard:
    LaForge, please give us factor nine.
    LaForge:
    But, sir, the engines are offline!
    Picard:
    Offline! But why? I want to go!
    Please make it so, please make it so!
    Riker:
    But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
    We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
    The danger here is far too great!
    Picard:
    But surely we must not be late!
    Troi:
    I'm sensing anger and great ire.
    Computer:
    Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!
    Picard:
    The ship's on fire? How could this be?
    Who lit the fire?
    Riker:
    Not me.
    Worf:
    Not me.
    Picard:
    Computer, how long til we die?
    Computer:
    Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
    Data:
    May I suggest a course to take?
    We could, more...

    If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation... By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We'll have two days til we arrive But can the Indrans there survive? Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine. LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline! Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go! Please make it so, please make it so! Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can't, We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't, The danger here is far too great! Picard: But surely we must not be late! Troi: I'm sensing anger and great ire. Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire! Picard: The ship's on fire? How could this be? Who lit the fire? Riker: Not me. Worf: Not me. Picard: Computer, how long til we die? Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye. Data: May I suggest a course to take? We could, I think, quite safely make Extinguishers from tractor beams And stop the fire, more...

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