Crocodile Jokes / Recent Jokes
Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.
Lemma 1. The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let's look at the crocodile. It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green.
Lemma 2. The crocodile is greener than it is wide: Let's look at the crocodile. It is green along its length and width, but it is wide only along its width. Therefore, the crocodile is greener than it is wide.
From Lemma 1 and Lemma 2 we conclude that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.
An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Amazon, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock. The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.
"What did you do that for?" asks the crocodile.
The elephant answers, "That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago."
The crocodile says, "And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory."
"Yep," says the elephant. "Turtle recall."
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to
Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st
and *again* barefeet!"
What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower?
I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it!
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
A man was on holiday in the depths of The Northern Territory where he tried to buy some Crocodile shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man. I'll go and kill my own croc."
To which the shopkeeper replied "By all means, just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same. So the man went out into the Bush and after a while saw two men with spears standing still in the water.
"They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed a crocodile moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive as the croc came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the lad the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the croc up onto the beach where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw the croc onto its back Where-upon one exclaimed more...
One day this blonde came into the hunting store. She asked the clerk, “What’s the lowest price on the crocodile boots? ”
The clerk responded, “Our best price is $200, if you want a pair any cheaper than that there is a lake down the road, maybe you can get a pair yourself down there. ”
So the blonde says, “Well O. K! I’ll go down to the lake. ”
About 5 hours later the clerk is walking by the lake on his way home. He sees the blonde grabbing crocodiles out of the lake and then throwing them back in.
Amassed at this he walks closer? eventually coming close enough to hear her saying, “Damn it! No boots on this one either! ”