Criminal Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two old men met on a street corner. The first old man said, "Where have you been for the past few years?"
The second man replied, "I was in jail."
"What? Why were you in jail?" asked the first man.
The second man said, "Well, I was standing on a corner and this beautiful young woman rushed up with a policeman, pointed to me and said, 'That's the man, Officer. He's the one who raped me'."
"What? And you let her get away with it?" exclaimed the first man.
"Well, I'll tell you, I felt so flattered, I admitted to it," replied the second man.
A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman.The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back.The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman.The detective responded, "I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!"
Three criminals were each sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement for the crimes they commited. Each of them were told they would be permitted to bring one thing into the cells with them.
The first one requested a stack of books. The second one asked for his wife and the third asked for a couple hundred cartons of cigarettes.
At the end of the twenty years, they opened up the first criminal's cell. He came out smiling and said, "That was great. I read and studied so hard, I'm bright enough now to be a lawyer."
They then opened the second criminal's cell and he emerged with his wife and four children. "That was the most wonderful time of my life," he said. "My wife and I have never been closer and we have a wonderful family to show for it."
When they opened the third criminal's cell, he staggered out, shaking uncontrollably and stammered, "Anyone have a match?"
Two prison inmates are talking about their crimes.
Jeff: "I robbed a bank and they sentenced me to twenty-five years."
Randy: "I killed a man and they gave me three days."
Jeff: "What!!" How could that be? I merely rob a bank and get twenty-five years, yet you kill a man and get only three days! Who did you kill?"
Randy: "A lawyer!"