Cries Jokes / Recent Jokes

A shamus is a guy who takes care of handyman tasks around the temple, and makes sure everything is in working order. A shamus is at the bottom of the pecking order of synagog functionaries, and there's a joke about that:
A rabbi, to show his humility before God, cries out in the middle of a service, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!".
The cantor, not to be bested, also cries out, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!"
The shamus, deeply moved, follows suit and cries, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!"
The rabbi turns to the cantor and says, "Now look who thinks he's nobody!"

A Jewish mother is walking with her small son along the shore, enjoying the sounds and smells of the ocean.
Suddenly, without warning, a huge wave comes in and washes the boy out to sea. The woman screams, but no one is nearby, and she can't swim. She sees her son's head bobbing up and down as he cries for help and moves farther and farther from shore.
Desperate, she sinks to her knees in the sand. Pleading with God for mercy, she swears she will devote herself to good causes and be faithful in attending synagogue if God will spare her only child.
Suddenly another huge wave crashes in, and deposits her son, wet but unhurt on the sand. She lifts her face to the heavens, extends both arms and cries...
"He had a HAT!!!"

Old Woman Who Has A Baby With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet."
A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "I forgot where I put it."

SON:' Father, why does it rain?'
Father:' It rains when God cries.'
Son:' Why does God cry?'
Father:' When humans make mistakes, God cries.'
Son:' But Mummy always says that I am lucky, as I was born on a rainy day!'

A young lady is sitting on top of a pier with no arms and no legs. A man walks past her, and she cries.
The man goes up to her and asks her whats wrong. She says that she has never been hugged before, so he hugs her and walks off.
As he walks, the lady cries again. The man goes up to her and asks again whats wrong with her. She says she has never been kissed, so he kisses her and walks off.
She starts to sob now, so the man walks back and asks again. She says I have never been screwed before. So he picks her up, and throws her off the side, and says now your screwed.