Crack Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was once a blonde who got a new house and she decied to name it afer the first thing she saw on TV and the first thing she saw was harry but so she named her house harry butt then she got a poodle and said it worked out so good last time she she said shed do it agian so the first thing she saw was crack so that was his name then one day she lost him and she called the police and said I looked all over my harry butt and couldnt find my crack
To My Dearest Wife, During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often: We will wake the kids - 54 times It's too late - 15 times I'm too tired - 42 times It's too early - 12 times It's too hot - 18 times Pretending to be asleep - 31 times The neighbors will hear - 9 times Headache or backache - 26 times Sunburn - 10 times Your mother will hear us - 9 times Not in the mood - 21 times Watching the late show - 17 times Too sore - 26 times New hairdo - 6 times Wrong time of the month - 14 times You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid more...
Academy Award-winning actress Tatum O'Neal was released after her arraignment at a Manhattan courtroom Monday stemming from her weekend arrest for allegedly buying crack cocaine.
She denied this accusation by crying out that all of her crack is clearly labeled "Happy Birthday Addie" from her aunt Helen in Wichita.
O MY DEAR WIFE,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
5 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because:
6 times you just laid there,
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling,
4 times you told more...
O MY DEAR WIFE, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:54 times the sheets were clean17 times it was too late49 times you were too tired20 times it was too hot5 times you pretended to be asleep22 times you had a headache17 times you were afraid of waking the baby16 times you said you were too sore12 times it was the wrong time of the month19 times you had to get up early9 times you said weren't in the mood7 times you were sunburned6 times you were watching the late show5 times you didn't want to muss your new hairdo3 times you said the neighbors would hear us9 times you said your mother would hear usOf the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactorybecause:6 times you just laid there,8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling,4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with,7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I was more...
Dear Abby:I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Jersey City.I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of neglecting his three children.I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who
lives in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. Her time there is limited, however, as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters
would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer more...
Lost!!
Once upon a time there was a blonde. Sometimes she didn't think that words matched their definitions.
She didn't like the word house, for instance. When she bought a house, she went ahead and named it HairyAss. Not knowing the real meaning of this word, she loved it.
One day she got a little boxer puppy. It was beautiful, a showdog!
Once again, she didn't like the word dog. She renamed it Crack.
One day she couldn't find her prized boxer, and she panicked. She ran all over the neighborhood screaming and waving her arms.
An officer pulled over.
"What's the matter miss?"
The blonde looked at him, tears streaming down her face.
"Officer, you've GOT to help me. I have looked all over my HairyAss, and I can't find my beautiful little Crack!!!"