Crack Jokes

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    I Screwed your mom

    Hot 2 years ago

    A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink. Suddenly, a man hollers at him,' 'I screwed your mom last night!'' Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him.

    Again, he hears,' 'Your mom was good in bed last night!'' Again, he tries to ignore it.

    The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says,' 'Dad, go home, you're drunk!''

    "Least Popular Christmas Carols" (as sung by the Late Show Carolers)
    As presented on the 12/03/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
    "I Saw Mommy Marry Larry King"
    "Boris the Red-Nosed Yeltsin Had an 86-Proof Nose"
    "Im Searching For the Real Killers With Every Round of Golf I Play"
    "Oh, Hillary, Oh, Hillary, You're Going to Jail for One-to-Three"
    "Influenza, Influenza, Influenza, Influenza"
    "O Little Network CBS How Still We See Thee Lie"
    "Frosty the Crackhead Had a Crack Pipe Full of Crack"
    "I Have an Irregular Heartbeat Pa-Rum-Pum-Pum-Pum"
    "O.J. Is Free Although He's Prob'ly Guilty"
    "Good King Clinton Dropped His Pants in a Cheap Hotel Room"

    Banta, a construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated."
    The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."
    Banta leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a bat, CRACK, CRACK, CRACK..., and then sends him into the bathroom.
    Banta comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation ?"
    The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

    Dear Abby:I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
    marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Jersey City.I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of neglecting his three children.I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who
    lives in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. Her time there is limited, however, as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters
    would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer more...

    GARY, Indiana - Last Monday FBI agents busted a $1,000-a-day cocaine ring being run out of City Hall, allegedly by the city's chief computer programer and its payroll clerk.
    Programer Arthur Harris, 46, and clerk Karen Laverne Shivers, 41, were arrested at their apartment Monday.
    Agents seized 5 ounces of cocaine, 6 ounces of crack and $6,000. Federal agents said they taped three telephone conversations in which Harris, speaking on a City Hall phone, arranged to sell crack.

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