Cousin Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    ONE with the land!

    Hot 6 years ago

    A Texas cowboy got a visit from his cousin who lives in the east.He thought he would show his city-slicker cousin a local Indian tribe so he could see how they were "one with the land".The cowboy and his cousin come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. The cowboy stops and says to his cousin, "You see that Indian?""Yeah," says the city-slicker."Look," says the cowboy, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction!"Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.""Incredible!" says the cousin to the cowboy."This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. AMAZING!!!"The Indian looks up and says..."Ran over me about a half hour ago."

    Well... you asked!

    Hot 2 years ago

    Customer: "Is this tea I'm drinking? It tastes like kerosene!"
    Waitress: "It must be hon, our coffee tastes like turpentine."
    A contributor on here sent me chapter one of a joke book she's planning to publish, and asked me what she should get for it.
    I wrote back, "At least 6 months."
    The boy had been sitting in the restaurant for 20 minutes while his date continued to stare at the menu. "Jody, do you always have such difficulty in making up your mind?"
    "Well... yes and no." she replied.
    "I'm telling ya Marge, there's nothing like a five mile jog, then, an ice cold shower to start your day off in the morning."
    Marge looked at her obviously overweight friend and replied, "How long have you been doing this?"
    "I start tomorrow!" she answered.
    A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if more...

    How many?

    Hot 8 years ago

    A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
    "Sixteen," the boy responded.
    His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly.
    "How do you know that?"
    "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

    A Texas cowboy received a visit from his cousin who lives in the northeast. He thought he would show his city-slicker cousin a local Indian tribe so he could see how they were 'one with the land'.
    The cowboy and his cousin come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear pressed to the ground. The cowboy stops and says, "You see that Indian?"
    Yeah," says the city-slicker.
    "Look, he's listening to the ground," the cowboy says. "He's able to hear things for miles in any direction!"
    Just then, the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one white, one brown. Man, woman, child, household goods in wagon."
    "That's incredible!" the cousin says to the cowboy. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who's in the wagon, and what's in the wagon. AMAZING!!"
    The Indian then looks up and says...
    "Ran over more...

    Below are some actual quotes by doctors doing actual dictation on patients' records (with some comments by me). Could YOUR doctor sound like these? This is really scary! If I have to go to the emergency room and hear my doctor dictating like some of these, I'm going to RUN!!!
    The patient denies pregnancy. (And I certainly think he should.)
    She does a lot of work around the house. It is kind of localized in the left buttock area.
    He was not to lift or drive his car.
    For the last 48 hours, the patient was carrying a refrigerator up the stairs. (L-O-O-ONG stairs.)
    An ultrasound was ordered on admission of the left foot. (and the patient came back to visit his foot almost evey day.)
    Father is currently deceased. (So he may come back???)
    She is a small-appearing elderly female. (She only appears small; she's actually 6 foot 2.)
    The patient has no temperature today. (Really? The planet Pluto has a temperature!)
    The patient has a questionable cousin with more...

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