"Well... you asked!" joke

Hot 1 week ago

Customer: "Is this tea I'm drinking? It tastes like kerosene!"
Waitress: "It must be hon, our coffee tastes like turpentine."
A contributor on here sent me chapter one of a joke book she's planning to publish, and asked me what she should get for it.
I wrote back, "At least 6 months."
The boy had been sitting in the restaurant for 20 minutes while his date continued to stare at the menu. "Jody, do you always have such difficulty in making up your mind?"
"Well... yes and no." she replied.
"I'm telling ya Marge, there's nothing like a five mile jog, then, an ice cold shower to start your day off in the morning."
Marge looked at her obviously overweight friend and replied, "How long have you been doing this?"
"I start tomorrow!" she answered.
A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast ya carry the flashlight."
The Father knocked on the bathroom door where his teenage daughter had been taking a bath for over an hour. "Cindy! Just how long will you be in that bathtub?"
From the other side of the door came the reply: "Oh Daddy! Water affects your weight, not your height. I'm still 5'4"!"

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