City-slicker Jokes

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    ONE with the land!

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    A Texas cowboy got a visit from his cousin who lives in the east.He thought he would show his city-slicker cousin a local Indian tribe so he could see how they were "one with the land".The cowboy and his cousin come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. The cowboy stops and says to his cousin, "You see that Indian?""Yeah," says the city-slicker."Look," says the cowboy, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction!"Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.""Incredible!" says the cousin to the cowboy."This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. AMAZING!!!"The Indian looks up and says..."Ran over me about a half hour ago."

    A Texas cowboy received a visit from his cousin who lives in the northeast. He thought he would show his city-slicker cousin a local Indian tribe so he could see how they were 'one with the land'.
    The cowboy and his cousin come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear pressed to the ground. The cowboy stops and says, "You see that Indian?"
    Yeah," says the city-slicker.
    "Look, he's listening to the ground," the cowboy says. "He's able to hear things for miles in any direction!"
    Just then, the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one white, one brown. Man, woman, child, household goods in wagon."
    "That's incredible!" the cousin says to the cowboy. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who's in the wagon, and what's in the wagon. AMAZING!!"
    The Indian then looks up and says...
    "Ran over more...

    Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stagecoaches and the like was popular, there were three people in a stagecoach one day: a true red-blooded born-and-raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city-slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well-endowed Texas lady.
    The city-slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you $10 for a blow job."
    The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city-slicker on the spot.
    The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for defendin' mah honor!"
    Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of women in Texas!"

    Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stagecoaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stagecoach one day: a true red-blooded born-and-raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city-slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well-endowed Texas lady.
    The city-slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you $10 for a blow job."
    The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city slicker on the spot.
    The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for defendin' mah honor!"
    Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot from back east is gonna raise the price of a woman in Texas!"

    This test has been designed to evaluate reactions of management
    personnel to various situations.
    You are making a sales presentation to a group of corporate executives
    in the plushest office you've ever seen. The enchillada casserole and
    egg salad sandwich you had for lunch react, creating severe pressure.
    Your sphincter loses control and you break wind, causing the glass
    bookcase doors to shatter and a secretary to pass out.
    YOU SHOULD:
    A. Offer to come back next week when the smell has gone away.
    (B) Point to the Chief Executive and accuse him of the offense.
    (C) Challenge anyone in the room to do better.
    You have just returned from a trip to Green Bay, Wisconsin in January
    and tell your boss that nobody but whores and football players live
    there. He mentions that his wife is from Green Bay. YOU SHOULD:
    A. Pretend you are suffering from amnesia and don't remember your
    name.
    (B) Ask what position she played.
    (C) Ask more...

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