Horses Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Horses

    Hot 1 year ago

    Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are horses?
    - G. Gordon Liddy

    Blonde Horse Sense

    Hot 1 year ago

    A blonde buys two horses and she can't tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horse's tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So she can't tell them apart again. She asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells her to cut one of the horses ears. So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence. She is still confused. She asks the farmer what to do. He tells her to measure them. She comes back and says, "The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!"

    Races

    Hot 6 years ago

    Some race horses are staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
    Another horse breaks in, "Well, in the last 27 races, I've won 19!"
    "Oh, that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!" says another, flicking his tail.
    At this point, they notice that a greyhound has been sitting there, listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
    The horses are clearly amazed.
    "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

    Dead Horse Management

    Hot 7 years ago

    The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one
    generation to the next, says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.
    However, in modern business, because of the heavy investment factors to be taken into consideration, often other strategies have to be tried with dead horses, including the following:
    1. Buying a stronger whip.
    2. Changing riders.
    3. Threatening the horse with termination.
    4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
    5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
    6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
    7. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
    8. Change the form so that it reads: "This horse is not dead."
    9. Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
    10. Harness several dead horses together for increased speed.
    11. Donate the dead horse to a recognized charity, thereby
    deducting its full more...

    Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
    Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
    "Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!" says another, flicking his tail.
    At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," Says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
    The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

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