Cork Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant's backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go. A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried: they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out. One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. When the big day arrived they set up all the monitoring equipment and moved out to a safe distance. The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer. BBBAAANNNGGG!!!!!!! The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in shit, the second (2 miles away) was more...

A guy with a donkey walked up to a psychic and asked about his future.
The psychic said, "when your donkey farts 3 times you will die."
So the man walked along with his donkey and the donkey farted.
The man said" Oh no donkey you mustn't fart again".
So they kept on walking and the donkey farted again.
The man said "I can't take another chance with this".
So the man then shoved a cork up the donkey's buttocks. Then the man felt relieved so they continued walking. The donkey farted yet again, sending the cork flying. The cork hit the man's head with such speed that he was killed instantly.

there was three professors and one day they asked each other i wonder what will happen if we put a cork up a elephants but. So thay didi it and they wated three months to see what would happen. Then they asked each other who will pull it out. 1st professor not me 2nd professor not me 3rd professor not me so they got a monkey to do it. 5 minuts later the reporters came and asked the three professors what happend 1st professor poo fling every where 2nd professor poo flying ever where 3rd professor poor monkey trying to put cork up elephants bumb

A student of proctology is in the morgue one day after classes, wanting to get a little practice in before the final exams. He goes over to a table where a body is lying face down. He uncovers the sheet over the body, and to his surprise he finds a cork in the corpse`s rectum. Figuring that this is fairly unusual, he pulls the cork out, and to his surprise, music begins playing: "On the road again... just can`t wait to get on the road again..." The student is amazed, and places the cork back in the backside. The music stops. Totally freaked out, the student calls the Medical Examiner over to the corpse. "Look at this, this is really something," the student tells the examiner as he pulls the cork back out again. "On the road again... just can`t wait to get on the road again..." "So what?" the Medical Examiner replies, obviously unimpressed with the student`s discovery. "But isn`t that the most amazing thing you`ve ever seen?" asked the more...

A blonde was walking along the beach when she finds an old bottle floating in the water. The blonde goes over and picks it up and notices a cork in the top of the bottle. She pulls out the cork and a genie pops out.
"Thankyou for letting me out after 10000 years, stuck in that bottle and to say thankyou I will give you 3 wishes.
The blonde thinks for a little while and finally decides on her first wish.
"I would like to be 10% smarter"
The genie does her magic and she is turned into a red head.
"I don't think I am smart enough yet, I would like to be 100% smarter than what I am"
So the Genie does her magic a second time and she turns in to a brunette.
"I don't think I am smart enough yet I would like to be 1000% smarter than what I am"
So the genie turns her into a man!

My dad found this on a bulletin board at work many years ago. My
sister recently found a copy hiding in some old school stuff she was
throwing out. A good challenge is to try to read the entire piece
aloud without laughing. Neither I nor my sister can do it.
The Eighteen Bottles
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my
wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or
else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I
withdrew the cork from the first bottle and pured the contents down the
sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew
the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the
exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from
the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I
pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the
bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled more...

There were two teenagers and they just got thru playing basketball. So they went to the showerhouse. They were in the showerhouse and the first teenager noticed a cork up the other teenagers butt. So when they got out of the showerhouse, the first teenager ask why he had a cork up his butt? The other teenager said, "Well, I was at the beach and a fairy said she could grant me one wish", and in amazement I said - "No CRAP!"