Cook Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Sonofabitch

    Hot 2 years ago

    A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices and asks the priest if he'd like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees.
    The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to
    which the priest answers no. He baits the hook and says, "Give it a shot, Father."
    After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat.
    The fisherman says, "Whoa, look at that big sonofabitch!"
    Priest: "Uh, sir, can you please mind your language?"
    Fisherman: (THINKING QUICKLY) "I'm sorry, Father, but that's
    what the fish is called: - a sonofabitch."
    Priest: "Oh, I'm sorry, I did not know."
    After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and
    stops the Bishop.
    Priest: "Look at this big sonofabitch!"
    Bishop: "Please, mind your language, this more...

    Trucker's Order

    Hot 2 years ago

    A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order, "Gimme three flat tires and a couple of headlights."

    Bewildered, he goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!"

    The cook says, "He wants three pancakes and two eggs sunny-side up."

    The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker.

    He looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!"

    The young man tells him, "The cook says that while you're waiting for your parts, you might as well gas up!"

    Cooky!!!1

    Hot 2 years ago

    What did the cook name his son? Stew!

    I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents'
    house on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be interesting for a
    non-Italian girl to see how an Italian family spends the holidays.
    I thought my mother and by date would hit it off like partridges
    and pear trees.

    So, I was wrong.

    Sue me.

    I had only known Karen for three weeks when I extended the
    invitation. "I know these family things can be a little weird," I
    told her, "but my folks are great, and we always have a lot of fun
    on Christmas Eve."

    "Sounds fine to me," Karen said.

    I had only known by mother for 31 years when I told her I'd be
    bringing Karen with me. "She's a very nice girl and she's really
    looking forward to meeting all of you."

    "Sounds fine to me," my mother said.

    And that was that. Two telephone calls. Two sounds-fine-to-me's.
    What more...

    HOW TO COOK A...

    Hot 6 years ago

    HOW TO COOK A TURKEY
    Step 1: Go buy a turkey
    Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
    Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
    Step 4: Take another two drinks of whiskey
    Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
    Step 6: Take three more whiskeys of drink
    Step 7: Turn oven the on
    Step 8: Take four whisks of drinkey
    Step 9: Turk the bastey
    Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
    Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
    Step 12: Glass yourself another pour of whiskey
    Step 13: Bake the whiskey for four hours
    Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
    Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
    Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
    Step 17: Turk the carvey
    Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
    Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
    Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

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