A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices and asks the priest if he'd like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees.
The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to
which the priest answers no. He baits the hook and says, "Give it a shot, Father."
After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat.
The fisherman says, "Whoa, look at that big sonofabitch!"
Priest: "Uh, sir, can you please mind your language?"
Fisherman: (THINKING QUICKLY) "I'm sorry, Father, but that's
what the fish is called: - a sonofabitch."
Priest: "Oh, I'm sorry, I did not know."
After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and
stops the Bishop.
Priest: "Look at this big sonofabitch!"
Bishop: "Please, mind your language, this is a house of God."
Priest: "No, you don't understand! That's what the fish is
called and I caught it. I caught this sonofabitch!"
Bishop: "Hmmm, you know I could clean this sonofabitch and we could have it for dinner."
So the Bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and takes it to the head mother.
Bishop: "Could you cook this sonofabitch for dinner tonight?"
Head Mother: "My lord, what langauge!"
Bishop: "No, Sister, that's what this fish is called,
a sonofabitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we want you to cook it."
Head Mother: "Yes, I'll cook that sonofabitch tonight."
That night the Pope stops by for dinner. He thinks the fish is great and asks where they got it.
Priest: "I caught the sonofabitch."
Bishop: "And I cleaned the sonofabitch."
Head Mother: "And I cooked the sonofabitch."
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, takes off his hat, leans back in his chair, puts his feet up on thetable and says, "You know, you fuckers are alright!"
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Your momma is so fat when she fell in the grand canyon she got stuck half way down.
You mamma is soo fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!